Relationship Astrology: Bad Love Is Like Eating 98% Dark Chocolate

(Starry Night Astrology) Your eyes lock. There is something so plaintive in his look, like a lost soul wanting to be saved. Or he pursues you relentlessly. “You are the one. I need you.” It is a seductive, addictive message. And for a while, just a little while, it is just like that. He is so handsome; you can’t believe that he picked you. You drink in this heady power. You’ve found love, all consuming soul stirring, gut wrenching love. All systems go in the love department, your brain and your body sucks up the chemical mix of endorphins and hormones that he stirs in you. However, ultimately, this love is like eating 98% dark chocolate.

He forgets to call. Or some cruel words are spoken in anger. Or he wants you to drop your friends and concentrate on him. Then he stays out with his friends all night. Maybe some of his friends are women, but you aren’t supposed to worry about that. He borrows money but never has money to pay you back. He expects sex at a drop of a hat, whether you are too tired or too aggravated for it. You didn’t realize he drank this much or did so many drugs, but he does, and there is no money for his share of the bills or the dinner out or for anything YOU need. Not that he can keep a job. And it’s always someone else’s fault. Sometime, he tells you, it is your fault. You get angry; you have a bad fight. You want him to leave. Then he apologizes, tells you what a fool he’s been. “Don’t you know I love you, baby,” he whispers and you melt. After the make-up sex, the cycle starts all over again. You want to believe that this time it’s going to be different, but ultimately it isn’t.

What happened? Well sweetie, you got your self some bad love.

The Bard said, “The fault, my dear Horatio, is not in the stars, but in ourselves.” Certainly this is mostly true, but a good horoscope reading will point out the challenges you have in relationships and the challenges other people bring to the table.

Things to watch out for:
A heavy Pisces signature or Neptune aspecting a personal planet in the horoscope—Not that all Pisces are bad. That is too simplistic of an approach. What to watch out for is the tendency either in you or the other person to over romanticize the relationship. Those with a Pisces or Neptune signature tend to gloss over the faults, and magnify the good points of the person they love, often to the detriment of themselves and the relationship.

A heavy Scorpio signature or Pluto aspecting a personal planet—Again this is a not a characterization of Scorpios in general. What I am talking about here is that in relationships with a Plutonian theme there are special challenges surrounding the issues of trust and power and control in a relationship.

A heavy Aquarian signature or Uranus aspecting a personal planet—Uranus brings us “bad boys” into our sphere, for a while a least. Depending on the charts of individuals these types of relationships are either flickers of a candle flame or a lifetime of here again, gone tomorrow and then back again. The issues seem to be about personal freedom, but those that have difficulties with Uranus just plain have commitment issues and just can’t seem to manage their responsibilities to others.

Do you notice something here? Yes, the planets we are talking about are the outer planets, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. These planets have only been in the awareness of our species of the past two hundred years or less, depending on the planet, and just in the past two decades we have gotten a sense of what they are about. When they are active in relationships, they point out where we need to understand how we lie to ourselves, (Neptune), where we fail to trust (Pluto) and where we fail to honor our commitments (Uranus).

Until we navigate these issues successfully for some of us love is like eating 98% dark chocolate, looks goods, but too bitter to take for long.

The Astrology of Royal Weddings: Saturn in Libra

The world was captured by fascination with the royal wedding of Prince Charles and the commoner daughter of a peer by the name of Diana Spencer. Now thirty years later, their eldest son William is marrying commoner, Kate Middletown. Both couples’ weddings are under the aegis of Saturn in Libra.

The Significance of Saturn in Libra

Saturn is the planet of duties of responsibilities and Libra is the zodiac sign of romance. Saturn, in astrological parlance, is said to be exalted in the zodiac sign of Libra, meaning that many of this planet’s qualities are polished like a jewel under the loving care of the sign of the scales. Libra itself represents perfect union and balance, two qualities we would like to see in the most sacred of relationships.

Because Saturn’s circuit around the Sun takes 28 to 30 years, and many first marriages happen at about 28 to 30 years of age, it is not unusual for the first child or even the second child’s marriage to share the Saturn sign under which their parents married.

During the last go round of Saturn in Libra, Americans and Brits alike were facing the consequences of the sexual revolution and a redefinition of women’s role in society.

As I wrote in a post titled Saturn in Libra: Chasing Bells and Lace:

[blockquote]“From late 1980 to late 1983 (albeit with a brief sojourn into the next sign) many of my generation married under the aegis of Saturn in Libra. Pluto was there too, signaling a cultural change in how we viewed marriage. We were promised we could “have it all” – career and family – but that usually meant we could work two jobs, the one in and outside the home. After bearing the babies and rushing back into the workplace, we got the golden opportunity to rush home, make the dinner, do the laundry, feed the husband and then somewhere between midnight and dawn collapse in our beds to get up few hours to do it all again.

We were exhausted. The men wondered what happened to their sexy girlfriends. We wondered why they didn’t understand that the socks and underwear go into the hamper. Couldn’t they do that, at least? Our dreams of white lace and “happily ever after” eroded under the weight of our responsibilities. For our mothers, socks and underwear on the floor was a small price to pay for having the husband in the bed. For us, it was another battle cry in the inequality of the sexes. The divorce rate climbed seventeen percent from 1975 to 1992.[/blockquote]

During this transit many of us learned that equality meant sharing the joys as well as the burdens as equal partners, but others of us were not so lucky.

Diana Spencer married her Prince in a fairy tale wedding that we were all sure of would end in “happily ever after”. What ultimately happened was anything but. Despite Diana being the UK’s best loved royal, under the glare of constant publicity, Diana’s fight with bulimia, her difficulties with other royals and her husband’s hidden infidelity, the fairy tale dissolved into a hopeless and ugly mess.

The royal life is not an easy one, constrained as it is by duty and obligations. Personal choices are often subordinate to public exigencies. Those royals who married according to the wishes of their hearts often faced controversy at the very least and in the most extreme case lost his throne. The question the world is interested now is has the House of Windsor finally found the couple whose love story will transcend the difficulties of prior generations?

Let’s take a look through the lens of astrology to answer this question.

Part 1: Saturn in LIbra

Part 2: The Yod–Destiny Plays a Hand

Part 3: Charles and Diana—A Suitable Girl

Part 4: Ladies of the Rings

Part 5: Will and Kate—Happily Ever After?

Photo published under a Creative Commons LIcense from Flickr

The Astrology of Aspects: The Dilemmas Known As Inconjuncts

Once considered a minor aspect, the energetic connection known as the inconjunct is now recognized as a powerful force in our charts. They are easy enough to find when they appear, in the next sign away, either side, to the point of opposition to another planet. An inconjunct is a stress aspect because, unlike the opposition or the square, it is difficult to focus on the issue at hand. We tend to swing wildly from one position to another when an inconjunct is active in our charts. This is why it is known as the “seesaw” aspect.

When you have an inconjunct between two natal planets, that is an area of life where you have difficulty finding a resolution point. It is a dilemma and a big one. In many ways it is uncharted territory and may indicate a spiritual lesson that has not been attempted in previous lifetimes.

An inconjunct to the natal Sun indicates an personality that hides behind a role or an image. There is an uncertain sense of self, a lack of sense of a place in the world. For this reason, an individual with an inconjunct to the Sun often feels unwanted or unloved.

An inconjunct to the natal Moon indicates an individual that goes to extremes emotionally. At times they are emotionally restrained, at other times emotionally exuberant. Because they are so uncertain about their own emotional center, they are afraid of being embarrassed, humiliated, or worse yet, betrayed.

An inconjunct to the natal Mercury manifests by taking criticism as as personal attack. They can be on one extreme self effacing and on other blunt and defiant. You need to tread lightly around these souls.

An inconjunct to the natal Venus individual has low self esteem. Self worth is measured by their possessions. Like a teenagers out of control, they display extremes of personal appearance, one day dressed to the nines, the other coming to work in their sweats. They lack a sense of proportion in their interactions with their love interests. All or nothing with Venus inconjunct, they’ll accuse you of hating them if you are less than enthusiastic about their latest antics.

People with an inconjunct to their natal Mars feel they have to prove their courage or strength and often feel they fall short of doing either. Easily provoked, they have difficulty controlling their anger, then are ashamed they lose it so quickly. Head strong, they don’t like to be told what to do.

Those with an inconjunct to Jupiter wants to impress people so much they find it difficult to say “no” to others. They either under rate or overate themselves or others. Because they fear of loss of personal freedom there will be wild swings in in what they give to others.

Inconjunct to natal Saturn natives take on far too much to prove their self worth, including other peoples burdens They demand respect and go to pieces when they don’t get it.

Inconjunct to natal Uranus folks are the original rebels without a clue. They think so far out of the box, they’ve lost the box. Though they can be extremely creative, they are threatened by people as talented as they are.

Inconjunct to natal Neptune people either make too many sacrifices to please other people, or don’t do enough to help others. They have little protection from constant psychic impressions surrounding them, leaving them shaky and unsure of themselves. They need constant reassurance and have a tendency to escape into their own fantasies when the world gets too harsh.

Inconjunct to natal Pluto natives have a burning need to control people, places and things. They want to know what you are thinking all the time and questions you excessively, They obsess over the issue represented by the other planet in the inconjunct, and can play nasty manipulative games because they see no other way to do things.

Does any of this describe you? Are you plagued by situations that no matter how hard you try are never resolved? The best way to work through an inconjunct is to make a plan to resolve your situation and follow it through, though like Orpheus we might not hear the footsteps of our beloved behind us. We must have faith and hope that the Divine promptings that say “you can do this” ultimately prove to be true.

Making Love Last: Mercury–It’s Our Story and We’re Sticking to It

Mercury Love Stories

Mercury is generally not thought of as a “relationship” planet. The planet of our thinking processes, business, commerce and communications, it just doesn’t fit in our notion of romance. At best it gets a glancing blow in composite and synastry chart readings. But we may have to revise our thinking on the importance of Mercury in a relationship. Several studies have shown the importance of Mercury’s processes in keeping a relationship strong.

While good communication between partners is universally recognized as an important element in a strong relationship, the functions of Mercury go deeper than that.

Judith Wallerstein in her 1995 book, “The Good Marriage” describes what astrologers would call a Mercury function as one of the 9 major tasks of making love last. She describes this task as “applying humor in appropriate ways and keeping the relationship interesting to laugh and ward off boredom and ennui.”

Still another aspect of Mercury that of the storyteller is an important quality in a long lasting relationship:

Those who endure have a story, and they stick to it. Robert Sternberg, dean of the school of arts and science at Tufts University, has researched this and has come up with about two dozen relationship stories, some good, some bad. The “fairy tale story” has a prince and a princess; the “visionist story” is a business model, accumulating homes, goods and successful children; the “travel story” says that life is a journey; the “police story” divides the partners’ roles into cop and perp, with the former constantly monitoring the latter; the “war story” means that two people expect constant fights. “What our research shows is that couples tend to be more satisfied if they have matching story profiles,” Sternberg says. Pair a fairy tale believer with a war story believer and “it won’t work,” he says.

Mercury, as the planet of communication, has an important role in maintaining a relationship, even those with less than desirable storylines. More than just being able to talk, Mercury lay the foundation of what the couple view as their reason for staying together.

Weekly Forecast: What Do We Do? What Do We Do?

Witty Mars in Gemini challenges stuck in the mud Saturn in Virgo to do something, ANYTHING, as long as it’s fast, and smart. Saturn in stress aspect (inconjunct) to Jupiter in Aquarius feels the pressure, but feels that

things are out of hand

as it is anyway. The result is a fair amount of wailing and the gnashing of teeth as frustrated people cry, “What do we do? What do we do?”

Aries—Joni Mitchell sang about you. “You are rambler, and a gambler and a sweet talking ladies’ man.” Well, this goes for the women too. And yep, with Gemini in Mars, you are dangling a couple on your line. Someone should slap a warning label on your forehead “Warning—Date at your own risk!”

Taurus—New and unusual opportunities pop up that have the potential to be very lucrative. Don’t stare a gift horse in the mouth. Climb up and ride that sucker. Don’t think too long, or the wagon train will leave without you.

Relationship Astrology: Making Love Last, Part 1–Your Relationship Style

Wedding Ring

In a country where well over 50% of marriages end in divorce, researchers have been looking into what makes love and marriages last.

One researcher interviewed in depth over fifty couples that regarded their marriage as happy. Through this interview process she identified 4 relationship styles and 9 essential psychological tasks to creating a happy relationship. As it turns out, from this astrologer’s perspective, what the researcher did was to peg down the 4 styles of interacting that directly relate to the elements and the developmental tasks of 9 of the ten planets.

Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Balkeslee have published a book entitled, “The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts”.

The four types of marriages Judith S. Wallerstein identifies include the “romantic”, the “rescue”, the “companionate” and the “traditional”.

This typology suggests that there is not just one “right” type of relationship but also that multiple styles that are associated with longevity and happiness. However, it also suggests that relationships survive more satisfactorily if the partners’ philosophy concerning the type of relationship they have or want is similar.

Let’s take a look at the four relationship styles and see how they relate to the elements, fire, earth, air and water.

August 16, 2009 ASC New Age Fair!

Mark the date! The Astrological Society of Connecticut New Age Fair will not disappoint. There will be lectures, vendors, and of course, readers of all kinds, from astrology to tarot cards. And this fair, yours truly will be among the readers.

Because the readers are such popular feature, tickets to sign up for a reader are handed at on a first come, first serve basis. Many people arrive early just to get a ticket to sign up. Readings are set up in twenty minute blocks and are very reasonable. If you’ve been looking for a place to get a reading, but not sure what kind you would like, this is the place to come to choose and sample what is available.

So pull out your Blackberry or your Daytimer and make sure you don’t miss the date.

When: August 16, 2009
10 am to 4 pm
Where: The Keeney Memorial Center
200 Main Street
Old Wethersfield, CT

Directions: Take I-91 to exit 26. Follow signs to Old Wethersfield Historical district. At the intersection of Main Street (flag pole), turn left. The hall is the third building down on left. Plenty of free parking in rear of building, on the street, and across the street behind the fire station. The fair is on the second floor.

What’s a Blogger to Do?

Oh No!

Things were banging at Astrology Explored for July. I posted most days, got lots of page views and I was looking forward to the month’s wrap up so I could pat myself on the back. And what happened? The server inexplicably went dark! Nothing like blogging-interruptus to let a girl down! Last year a similar thing happened and it took two weeks for the problem to be resolved. It could be resolved tomorrow, it may not be resolved for weeks at a time. Until then, you will find all my latest posts here.

Photo published under a Creative Commons License from Flickr.

Astrology’s Promise Of Marriage in Your Chart

One client told me that an “astrologer” had told him that he would never marry. Aside from the obvious, that knowledgeable astrologers refrain from making absolute judgments, this person was just plain wrong.

In the “Art of Predictive Astrology” Carol Rushman shows a little technique that helps to predict the number of marriages you can potentially have. She calls this the natal promise.

In a woman’s chart, count the major applying aspects to the Sun: the conjunction, square, opposition, trine and sextile.

For a man’s chart, count the major applying aspects to the Moon.

The planets to look at are Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. Rushman observes that Mercury and Venus may bring an opportunity for marriage but often these alliances don’t end up at the altar.

Rushman also observes that the planets in applying aspects are very descriptive of the relationship itself. For instance a relationship representative of Saturn can be very long lasting, but filled with frustrations and burdensome responsibilities. A Jupiter marriage may give a partner who is very good to you. A Uranian marriage may be unusual, with each of the partners go their own ways but coming together from time to time.

In the case of the gentleman above, he has four aspects to his solid Moon in Taurus, but with Mercury, the Sun, Jupiter and Saturn in the sin the sign of Capricorn you can be sure he will marry later in life. Of course, just because you have an opportunity to marry, doesn’t mean you will. It is your choice, after all.

What planet in your chart describes a long lasting relationship?

Some Other Posts On Relationships:

The Moon–The Astrology of How You Feel
Bad Boys–The Uranus Ruled Relationship

Photo from Flickr

Lift Your Spirit at the New Age Fair

Writer’s note: The newspaper who prints my astrology column Shoreview sent me to cover this story, then cut it for “space”. Not wanting to waste anything, including an afternoon of research and writing, I’m sharing it with you.

Maia Lynd

Once a quarter, the Astrological Society of Connecticut gathers together vendors, astrologers, intuitive readers and body workers in a New Age Fair.

For many people just the phrase “New Age” conjures images of people who are “out there”, maybe a bit flaky, people they are not likely to know, at least not well. But the friendly people at the ASC New Age Fair will dispel this notion.

Among the picturesque 17th and 18th century houses of the historic district of Old Wethersfield is the Keeney Memorial Cultural Center, a late 19th century public school building renovated in 1985 to become the permanent home of the Wethersfield Historical Society.